The Sandwich Generation

Did you know that July is National Sandwich Generation Month? I had no idea. (I know, it’s now August but July got away from me!)

This is not to be confused with National Sandwich Month (August), National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Month (April) or National Bacon Lettuce and Tomato (BLT) Sandwich Month (also April). 

I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear the word “sandwich” I think of the memorable diner scene in Five Easy Pieces, the 1970 film starring Jack Nicholson as Robert “Bobby” Dupea.

Dupea: I'd like a, uh, plain omelette, uh, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee, and wheat toast.

Waitress: No substitutions.

Dupea: What do you mean? You don't have any tomatoes?

Waitress: Only what's on the menu. You can have a number two - a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.

Dupea: Yeah, I know what it comes with, but it's not what I want.

Waitress: Well, I'll come back when you make up your mind.

Dupea: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee, and a side order of wheat toast.

Waitress: I'm sorry. We don't have any side orders of toast. I'll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.

Dupea: What do you mean you don't make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don't you?

Waitress: Would you like to talk to the manager?

Palm Apodaca: Hey, Mac . . .

Dupea: [to Apodaca] Shut up. [to the waitress] You've got bread and a toaster of some kind?

Waitress: I don't make the rules.

Dupea: Okay, I'll make it as easy for you as I can. I'd like an omelette, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce, and a cup of coffee.

Waitress: A number two, chicken sal san, hold the butter, the lettuce, and the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Dupea: Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Dupea: I want you to hold it between your knees. 

Love that scene.

National Sandwich Generation Month. 

Thanks to Carol Abaya, a leading educator in this field, the “sandwich generation” term became part of Webster’s Dictionary in 2006, although it was originally coined by Dorothy A. Miller in 1981. Sandwich Generation Month was established in 2007 and is officially registered within the National Special Events Registry as an annual national observation, occurring each July. It was created and sponsored by Griswold Special Care, a placement agency for specialized caregivers, to bring community awareness and support to those caring for both children as well as their own aging parents. This is the traditional definition of the term. 

Then with the Baby Boomers retiring, their parents living longer (and not always with the quality of life they desired) and Boomer’s children looking to them to help care for their young kids - the  “Club Sandwich” generation was born - caring for aging parents and grandchildren. 

Ironically, I had a club sandwich the other day. Served in precise layers, tested over time - toast, mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, bacon and then repeated with a toothpick holding everything together - it is perfect. But once the toothpick is removed all hell breaks loose. First of all, it’s way too big to actually put the entire quarter section in my mouth. I attempt it anyway, which results in tomatoes shooting across the table, lettuce falling in my lap and mayonnaise dripping down my chin. I look like our 2 1/2 year old grandson after he has finished his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The difference being that he could care less about his appearance while I am in the middle of a restaurant trying to clean up the mess before those at the next table notice and wonder why I didn’t just order a plain omelet and wheat toast like Jack Nicholson’s character. 

This got me to thinking about the Club Sandwich social dynamic in a new light. Helping to care for two other generations is like eating a club sandwich. It can be messy and the parts may not always stay intact but it is worth experiencing none the less. Let’s face it, for all who are going through this time, life becomes a balancing act. We have to learn how to manage our new found freedoms in retirement with these new responsibilities. There is the caring and nurturing of grandchildren within the context of their parents style and approach. The last part is very important. Sure, I would rather just cave-in to their hourly cookies and ice cream demands but that’s probably not going to go over too well on the home front - “Papa always says ok!”. Boy! And now with aging parent(s), there is a completely different need. They have given up their car (thankfully) and need to be taken to doctor’s appointments, the grocery store, church, the mall and to family events. They have lost their independence, which can be difficult for them to accept. While this can be challenging along with everything else going on in our lives, it’s good to remember one very important thing - they care and nurtured us for many years. Now - it’s our turn. 

At times one can feel pulled in many directions or our lives squeezed between one generation and the other. In the end, it’s all about family.

Someone said:

Life is like a sandwich - the more you add to it, the better it becomes.