Spiderman (3 years and 4 months now) and I venture out a couple of mornings a week to various places about town where he can let off some steam, release his pent up energy and interact with other kids his age. Granted, being with Papa and Nana for an entire day is just too much fun but he does need to get out among his peers.
One of his favorite spots is the local library. Not because he wants to read a book, although we usually pick up a couple of train books for later. Nor is it because he wants to attend storybook time with all the other kids and their Moms, Grandmas, Nannies and a few Dads and Grandpas. That is just way too structured for him - at least at this point. Instead, he makes a bee line for the small tunnel leading into the children’s book area, crab walks through on all fours and follows the railroad tracks in the carpet to the train tables in the back of the room. There is one large and one small table cut down to his size so he can kneel while he plays. Wooden railroad tracks have been glued to the table tops along with bridges, tunnels, hills and watering stations for the trains. The engines and freight cars are all small enough for Spiderman to place in his hand. His first task? - to accumulate as many train cars as he can carry. Keep in mind Spiderman is not the only one at the train tables. There are usually anywhere from 5-10 other kids also focused on this magical world of trains. And all want the same thing. This is just the way it is and the way it will always be. And all parents or grandparents (myself included) say the same thing. I can actually hear myself forming the words -
”Spiderman, please SHARE”, which is usually followed by “Johnny SHARE please”, Amber, you have to learn to SHARE”! You can almost see the gears in their heads turning, puzzled, listening to all the adults. One of these days they are all going to shout in unison:
“Will you just let us deal with this ourselves? We got this. Just go back to drinking your coffee and checking your Iphone.” (Followed by high five’s all around!)
I am sure you have heard a million times “that’s mine” coming from your children and grandchildren. “That” is may very well be his or hers and their friend who is over for a “play date” wants that amazing toy too.
But quite often it is not his or hers. It “belongs” to someone else. And in environments like the local library, it belongs to no one. It is a common property. Now just think how a child of 3 processes the concept that every toy in the room belongs to no one AND everyone! I try, I really do try to put myself in his shoes, but there is no way I can fully appreciate what is going on in his mind. If I was him, I would probably go after anything within arm’s reach too.
This is one area where I have noticed a change in Spiderman over the past 12 months. Last year the word of the day (hour, week, month, etc.) was “Mine”. He liked it, it was his. Very natural.
One of the other places he likes to go is called The Yard. It is a large indoor play space that has 4 soccer fields with artificial turf, a large play room with inflatable bounce houses and rooms for them to jump, as well as lots of balls, slides, tricycles, etc. You would think that with all these things to do and toys to play with, everyone could have their “own” toy and therefore, there would be no disagreements. Ha! We are back to the “I like that - I want it - I must have it - I will take it - thanks - bye” approach to the playground. (There is really no “bye”, they just run the other direction with the toy.) Sometimes I think it might be a “king of the hill” kind of thing going on. But I think it’s probably just a basic child behavior. I like that - I want it. As simple as that.
But recently I observed Spiderman doing something that showed a changing attitude. Spiderman likes to play with a small plastic grocery cart. He races around this big room from one end to the other without any other particular goal in mind. It’s a speed thing. And it’s his cart. He would see it as soon as we entered the large room and as I was taking his coat and shoes off he would point to “my cart” and dash to claim his prize.
One day a boy younger than Spiderman was crying because he had been with playing with THE CART and decided to play with something else. When Spiderman picked up the cart and started to do his thing, the other boy burst into uncontrollable tears. To my amazement, Spiderman stopped in his tracks, wheeled the cart over to the boy and with a picture of concern on his face, offered the cart to the boy. I could have stood up and shouted to all the parents in the room - did you just see what my grandson just did? The two boys proceeded to play together with the cart for next 20 minutes, laughing and smiling like two long lost friends. (This is another phenomenon that I find so endearing with kids this age.)
I was, and am, so proud of Spiderman learning the delight in giving and sharing. I think his parents probably had a little something to do with that.
A lesson for us all.
