A Child's Perspective

Life takes it’s twists and turns, it’s ups and downs. The road, if we are lucky, is long. And even if it is not, it can be glorious. 

For children the highs and lows can occur hourly. I am imagining many parents nodding their heads in agreement. The good thing - the lows (tantrums, surly looks and pouting) are usually short-lived. I really have come to believe there is a button somewhere that the child presses to turn it on (to see how we deal with it) and then turn it back off (to make us feel like we really knew how to “handle” the situation). 

Ever wonder who’s running things? 

Ok there is no button. We “just” need patience and kindness to wait them out. As I have said occasionally here, more often than not, they have the upper hand when it comes to patience at least when it comes to me. They bounce back so quickly. If i could just capture that in a bottle. 

Which is why I focus on the times that just make me smile or laugh out loud and wish I could still see through their eyes. The wonder of it all. Now usually this takes place when something new enters into their life’s experience. It could be a sound, a flavor, a smell a feeling from within or a visual that they cannot compare to anything they have experienced in their few years on this planet. 

This summer we were at a water park with Superman and Batman (aka Ball Boy) for the first time. Batman, now 3 1/2, is a bundle of enthusiasm. He usually is ready to jump into anything with both feet, eager for a new adventure. We took him into the toddler wading pool which had a small slide in the middle. His first time down the slide he came sloshing over and said with this giddy look on his face - “That was amaaaazing!” Back up he went.  Superman, being the older brother, wanted to go on the “super” water slides, of course. After climbing all the way to the top of the tower I was prepared to ride down with him but the operator said he had to go by himself. Off he went without hesitation, winding his way down several turns to the bottom and then dumped in 4 feet of water. His response after emerging, with a huge grin - “That was fun!”. 15 times later he had finally had enough. They couldn’t wait to go back. 

Recently, the boys took their first airplane ride. How would 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 year old boys handle all the waiting - cab ride to the airport, checking baggage, going through security, waiting at the gate, waiting on the tarmac while they found a replacement part (yikes) and 4 hours in seat belts and no wifi?! Well as it turned out, they did very well… on both ends of the trip. And memorable (for good reasons) for the other adults around them. Batman was particularly vocal about his experience. As we waited to take off on the first leg he just had to yell out so that all could hear - “When are we going to blast off?” A future astronaut? And on the return trip, after the plane slammed on the breaks during the landing, he giggled with glee - “Can we do that again?” Gave us all a chuckle.

It gives us all a glimpse again of the pure joy through a child’s eyes of just how magical this life can be. I’ll have another half full glass of what they are drinking, please. 

Mother's Day

The cynic in me could say it’s just another opportunity for Hallmark to make a bundle! In addition to all the popular holidays, there are cards for Friendship Day, Admin/Professionals Day, National Teacher’s Day, Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day and Nurses Day just to name a few. I admit I am partial to Nurses, Teachers and Grandparents days but, really, that should be a 365 days a year thing. You don’t really need a card to appreciate all that these people do for us. I am a little miffed that there is nothing for customer service reps, toll both operators, fast food drive thru window staff or geek squad members but give it time. Hallmark’s back room is feverishly working to come up with the next big day. Can’t you just envision giving a beautiful “personal” greeting card to the person handing you a Big Mac! (Free fries next visit, maybe?)

But Mother’s Day has been around for over 100 years. It’s a holiday known for brunches, gifts, cards, flowers and outpourings of love and appreciation but it has somber roots. It was originally founded to recognize women mourning fallen soldiers. It’s greatest champion was Ann Reeves Jarvis of West Virginia whom shaped it’s evolution to celebrate the best mother one had ever known, as a son or a daughter. To her, it was Mother’s Day (singular) rather than Mothers’ Day (pleural). It wasn’t meant to celebrate all those in her life that were mothers. But her idea of an intimate mother’s day quickly became a commercial gold mine centering on buying flowers, candy and greeting cards. This disturbed her deeply and she fought this trend for the rest of her life. Hallmark created it’s first Mother’s Day card in the early 1920s. 

In looking through a myriad of Hallmark Mother’s Day cards, the conventional and the unusual, I couldn’t resist sharing this one:

Front of Card 

I’m not a stripper.

I’m not in prison.

Inside Card

Nice work Mom!

Happy Mother’s Day

My life has been blessed being around strong women who have also been wonderful mothers. In keeping with Ann Reeves Jarvis’ bias, I am bound to offer my gratitude, tribute and love to my mother - the mother I know the best. She is 92 years of age and her mind is sharper than mine will ever be. Yes, “mother time” marches on and has taken it’s toll physically to some extent but she is remarkable nonetheless. She exists, and has always existed, with her hands outstretched, not to seek anything but to look for ways in which she can help others. She is the most selfless person I know. A testimony to her mother (and father) and her midwest, small town upbringing. She believes in the core values of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control and has lived her life accordingly. I have been a lucky son (as have been both my brothers) and she deserves to know just how much she is loved and appreciated every day.

Thanks Mom. Nice work!

You are the best. 

Happy Mother’s Day!

**Historical information on Mother’s Day attributed to Brian Handwerk’s article in National Geographic, 5/9/14.

Napa, You Smell Like Chicago

Have you ever wondered what you smell like to someone else? Someone you know very well. I know….what an odd question. But is it?

Nearing the end of our recent extended visit with our granddaughters in California, Smirker (now 6) jumped into my arms gave me a huge hug and said without hesitation - 

“You smell like Chicago.”

While I don’t live in the city of Chicago, it is close enough that when Smirker and Love Monster come for a visit, that is where they say they are going. So to them, Chicago is where we live.

My mind raced back and forth between a variety of both unpleasant and wonderful smells that remind me of Chicago. There is the stink of the Chicago River in the heat of the summer sun. Whew, not so good, Smirker. Ah, but then there is the distinctive breeze off Lake Michigan - part fog, part fish and part wind. I love standing at the end of Navy Pier, mesmerized by the living lake, the passing sail boats and tourist ships, the long breakwater and the lighthouse standing at it’s gate. And then again there is the Lincoln Park Zoo - pungent, certainly not fragrant, but an aromatic invitation to explore the wonders of the wider world. Really, Smirker, I smell like Chicago? Is that what you smell when I am around? Then I think of the sweet aroma as we pass the corner where Garrett’s Popcorn Store commands a line out the door. An invitation to sample this savory fare. But then again, there is the constant flow of traffic - trains, cars, motorcycles, buses and trucks spewing their emissions as they carry us through the city. Oh, but then there is the indescribable fragrance, if the wind is blowing in just the right direction in the early morning hours, coming from the Bloomer Chocolate factory.  Hmmmm, there are no words. And the neighborhoods, an amalgam of odors from ethnic restaurants, dry cleaners, florists, bakeries, taverns, laundromats and, of course, the people from all cultures. 

So what in the world does Chicago smell like to Smirker, knowing they really don’t spend much time in the city? And how does she connect me with those olfactory senses? 

I smell like Chicago. (Admittedly, one of the things that popped into my mind when she said this was the title of the Nirvana song, “Smells Like Teen Spirit”! That must say something about me but we won’t go there.)

In the end it’s very obvious that to Smirker and Love Monster, I smell like our home, where they come to visit. Their home away from home. It must have a very distinctive smell like all homes do. I remember one of my brothers saying, after a long absence from our family home, “it smells like home!” He felt at home. To him it was contentment, familiarity, intimacy. 

Do you notice how a home has a unique/particular smell? A Fingerprint, only with an odor. Scientists have confirmed this. There are a lot of places for an odor to hide - couch, carpet, pillows, drapes. They all capture smells. Smells that remind you of the past - they can make you relax and, in some cases, they make people depressed, which is so sad for a home to have this imprint on someone. 

What does a home smell like? It’s hard to put your finger on it but it’s a combination of scents. I think of the house I grew up in and the sensory associations I have with it:

• Mom’s perfume and hairspray
• Dad’s after shave, coffee
• Books - old and new
• Fireplace ashes and smoke embedded in the wallpaper
• Old furniture, carrying the remnants of family, friends and visitors. 
• Food - undertones of cooking, baked goods - family recipes lingering in the curtains, fabric of the furniture - tuna noodle casserole, roast beef, mashed potatoes, meat loaf, coffee, sugar cookies and on and on. 
• Cleaning supplies and detergent
• Piano keys and sheet music
• Carpet - from years of traffic made a part of the carpet nap
• Animals/pets

The smells of life - our family’s life. The linger to this day even as we are no longer physically in that house. 

There is an emotional connection with the smells of a home. Smirker definitely knows this even at such a young age. Her sister, Love Monster (9) also made this connection. Last year we were in the basement after the tornado sirens sounded during a bad storm. We called our daughter and the girls to let them know. Love Monster told her mom after we called that, “I am worried sick! Their house is my favorite place in the world  and I don’t want it to get destroyed and they will be poor”! She was reassured that we were fine. (I like the part that she was also concerned we would end up poor. But that’s Love Monster.) But I also like that our house is her favorite place in the whole world. What grandparent wouldn’t love to hear this. 

Papa Ron

How does a grandson deal with the loss of a grandfather? 

Ball Boy was not yet 2 when this occurred just one year ago, so he was much less able to understand this tragedy than his older brother. Spiderman, however, had just turned 4 and at a stage where he could begin to grasp the idea of the loss of a loved one. His parents and his other Nana were so good in helping him through what must have seemed to him a very chaotic and scary time. Suddenly, there were lots of people around their house and around his Nana’s, many who they had never seen before. People were sad. People were crying. People seemed so serious. And with all the activity going on - no Papa Ron around to give them a hug. You just knew that Spiderman felt something was not right. We all just gave them both all the love we could muster. 

The boys were the light of Papa Ron’s life. You could see the joy in his eyes and voice when he talked about being with them and what they had done together. He often related the nice things others said about the boys when they were out together. He was so proud of them. They loved to play at the park, go the pumpkin farm searching for the perfect pumpkin, read stories and ride the train at the mall. Both Spiderman and Ball Boy loved to watch videos of trains on the computer with Papa Ron. They also watched musical videos - Puff the Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary, being one of their favorites. But then again, they simply love dragons. There are so many wonderful pictures of Spiderman and Ball Boy with Papa Ron. This one with both of them cuddled in Papa Ron’s arms is one of my favorites. Their love for each other was evident and ever lasting. 

A year later pictures of Papa Ron are all around. He is always there as a reminder of what love is. Spiderman says he is in heaven. Ball Boy will come to understand. We all know that Papa Ron looks down on them every day - still very proud of the young boys they have come to be. 

Spiderman and Ball Boy were lucky to have 2 Papas as they grew from babies into toddlers. We all wish they would have had the chance to get to know and experience so much more with Papa Ron.