Originally, my vision of this blog was to share some of the experiences between a grandfather and his grandchildren. Lately though, I find that I am being drawn to subjects much different from the exploits of those wonderful growing children. Maybe it is the recognition of the march of time. Or perhaps the need to simply find an avenue to release thoughts and ideas that have been bouncing around in my head.
Believe me....there continues to be plenty of "fodder" for stories about the grandkids in the future.
This brings me to the nature of civility, an oft discussed subject today, not only in print and broadcast news, but in every day conversation. Though "conversation" seems to be taking on an entirely different meaning. Merriam-Webster's defines "conversation" as an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, or ideas. This implies a simple stating of one's thoughts to another. Civility is defined as formal politeness and courtesy of behavior and speech. It is all too apparent that being civil is becoming less intentioned in our everyday lives. We come face to face frequently with situations where people are rude and disrespectful towards one another. It's as if we don't see a real person with feelings and a brain in our "one-way"interactions. And I think, if we are all honest with ourselves, too often we are among those acting disgracefully to those around us, either through actions or inactions.
We have become too accustomed to confrontations rather than discussions, be it about race, gender, ethnicity, religion, politics or just driving in our cars. We have forgotten about how to listen. And perhaps sometimes we just don't care about the experiences and views of others. There seems to be no desire to try and understand other opinions - only the need to shove our own ideas down someone's throat because we feel theirs are probably ignorant, vile or even treasonous. Hate has become pervasive in us all. Yes, all of us, if we look hard enough.
How has this come to pass? Haven't we learned from history? Have we become that insecure that we have to bully others thinking they will" come along" to our side eventually?
It's not like this lack of decency is a new phenomenon. The early years of the union were particularly rife with bitterness and violence but this is not surprising given the enormity of the founders task. And we can find dissent, debate and discord in every era of our history since. These are all good things - dissent, debate and discord. They enable us to grow. Challenging the status quo, providing different opinions and new ideas is what makes a democracy great. And America is great. It has always been "great" because of these basic tenets. It's not that we need to "make America great again" as some have naively pushed in a slogan. You can argue it has not always been good and certainly not good for everyone for many reasons but that is human nature, not because we don't have the foundation where everyone can succeed and thrive. We need to continue to work at making things better for all. But we need to do this with respect and decency in the way we deal with each other.
The one thing that is different about dissent and debate now than in previous generations is the advent of the internet. It adds anonymity and the ability to comment at will, hiding behind a cyber wall which allows people to say things they may not say face to face, to call people names, to bash others' views in the most vitriolic way without providing any rationale opposing opinion at all. There is no intent to debate, only to debase. It usually just fans the flames of hate. Your are wrong and I am right. We must all reconsider our response to such matters when it comes to social media. It serves no purpose other than voicing an opinion or condemning another's. Little conversation - listening and understanding - is accomplished. It is better left unsaid in this venue. And, again, while the platform to act this way has been in place for a number of years, never have we seen this so utilized in such a vile manner than the current sitting President. I am not talking about political platforms, political parties or political strategies. That is not my concern here. Each of us has the right to formulate our own opinion of government. My concern is basic common decency and respect for others that we all should have or at least strive for daily. I admit it can be a struggle sometimes to always do, say and think the right thing. But for the leader of the United States to display on a daily basis an eighth grade mentality to dealing with people he doesn't agree with is unacceptable to me and it should be to everyone.
The core of Christianity is the Golden Rule - Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This is also found in other religions. The Jewish faith belief is similar to the Christian one.
Buddhism - Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.
Hinduism - This is the sum of the duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.
Islam - while there is nothing similar in the Qur'an, in the Hadiths written by Muhammad it says, None of you (truly) believes until he wishes for his brother that he wishes for himself.
I read somewhere that the millennials are quite different from baby boomers ( to which I belong) in that the feel more of an urge to homogenize, that is to celebrate ties that bind rather than the differences that splinter. I recognize that this is a generalization but i find that view of relationships consistent with the Golden Rule.
Recently, the celebrations of Senator John McCain's life so beautifully about the right way to handle differences of opinion. He strongly felt that one's views should be offered with a greater good in mind and not for self-aggrandizement. One of the quotes from his services referenced a passage from his favorite book, "For Whom the Bell Tolls":
"Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today."
This not only applies to those in power but to each of us every day.
As this all relates to my original vision of this blog, kids model their behavior on what they see from parents, grandparents, teachers and other adults. They should see us as having the ability to disagree without demonizing, debate without demeaning and discuss without degrading. Be civil to one another no matter what their views. Temper our concerns and disagreements with consideration to others who may have a different context or life experience that shape their opinion. Deep down most of us are more alike than different and those similarities should be treasured and the differences should be respected.
P.S. I came across an organization (Better-Angels.org) that is a national citizen's movement to reduce political polarization in the US by bringing liberals and conservatives together to understand each other beyond stereotypes, forming red/blue community alliances, teaching practical skills in communicating across political differences and making a strong argument for decreasing polarization.
A wonderful idea if enough of us join and participate. It is so critical that we take this step in today's climate.
